The man I put my whole heart and soul into left me recently. Depressing, right? That’s the thing about unrequited love, it fucking sucks and it hurts like hell. I have nothing elegant to say about it. It just sucks. There isn’t really anything like it. And the very sad truth is that no matter how much I hope that his feelings for me will magically return, no matter how many tears I shed, and no matter how hard I try to still be there for him and “just be friends,” nothing will bring us back. Nothing will ever be the same.
I miss him and I miss his kids and his mom, mostly I just miss the way he looked at me. It is different now. There is no more love and desire. The moment I noticed that that shine in his eyes was gone when he looked at me, I shut down. I have been through a lot of breakups, none of them quite felt like this. My soul feels like a piece is missing. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Nothing happened exactly, his feelings just faded and mine didn’t. And that almost makes it worse. I can’t hate him for his feelings, he did nothing wrong (mostly). And I am trying to be friends just like he wants, but it still hurts not to see that gleam of love that once shone in his eyes. But I will try. I will try to be okay and be there for him and hopefully this hurt goes away very soon. Unrequited love is a feeling I wouldn’t wish upon anyone.
I don’t really know why I am blogging about this, but as he sits across from me right now, I feel the urge to word vomit my feelings onto this blog post because I am tired of crying. And I have got to say, typing all of this out has almost completely gotten rid of my need to cry, at least for now. Maybe I will stick with this.